You have to forget in order to remember

You know all those gratitude challenges? The ones where you pledge to find something to be grateful for in each day? In which you have to remember to be grateful. If you have ever done one of those, then you'll know that some days you have to settle for being grateful for being alive and call it a day.

I've had those days, we all have. You just can't find the silver lining sometimes. And then, I came home. I came home and I got an amazing job. It doesn't sound very amazing, nor does it sound interesting. But it is. And I no longer have to remember to be grateful.

Everything from the free parking, to the cheap food, to the work culture, to the diversity of my role. I work far away, but I wake up later than some people who need to beat traffic.  I can have a life. I know what I'm working for, and that reason is not profit (a gazillion gratitude points for this one!). I have a room, with a door I can shut. People respect your time and energy. You are more important than a deadline. The deadlines are reasonable to begin with.

One day I'm writing a welcoming address for a minister, one day I'm caught up in statistic formulae, one day I'm reading academic papers. One moment I'm lost in a world of spreadsheets, and another I'm playing peek-a-boo with my colleague's toddler. Who knew I could be so content being a research officer in a department I never knew existed.

I spend most of my days learning, and some of them teaching. And I no longer have to remember to be grateful.

மறந்தால் தானே நினைத்திட 

அக்னிக் குஞ்சொன்று கண்டேன்

அக்னிக் குஞ்சொன்று கண்டேன்
I found  a young/small spark of fire
அதை அங்க்கோர் காட்டிலோர் பொந்திடை  வைத்தேன்
And I planted it in the hollow of a tree in the forest
வெந்து தணிந்தது காடு
The forest burned to ashes
தழல் வீரத்தில் குஞ்சென்றும் மூப்பென்றுமுண்டோ
For does the rage/courage of fire know the difference between  young and old.

மஹாகவி பாரதியார் 

The great poet, Bharati

I found within me a small spark 

And I shall plant it in the hearts of young people around me

Its flames will eventually reach the world over

For does revolution know the difference between  young and old. 

Timeless thoughts

சுட்டும் விழிச் சுடர் தான் கண்ணம்மா சூரிய சந்திரரோ
வட்டக் கரிய விழி கண்ணம்மா வானக்கருமை கொலோ

The blazing flames that are your eyes, are they the sun and moon; 

And the round black spot in them, from the darkness of the sky.
பட்டுக் கருநீலப் புடவை பதித்த நல்வயிரம்
நட்ட நடுநிசியில் தெரியும் நட்சத்திரங்களடீ

Your silk dark (blackish?) blue saree, with its embedded diamonds,

Like stars seen in the darkest hour of the night.

சோலை மலரொளியோ நினது சுந்தரப் புன்னகை தான்
நீலக் கடலலையே நினது நெஞ்சின் அலைகளடீ

The radiance from a garden of roses, your beautiful smile;

The blue waves of the ocean, the curves of your bosom / the waves of your heart. 

கோலக் குயிலோசை உனது குரலின் இனிமையடீ
வாலைக் குமரியடீ கண்ணம்மா மருவக்காதல் கொண்டேன்

The song of the koel, the sweetness of your voice;

Young maiden, Kannamma, I am in love with you. 

சாத்திரம் பேசுகிறாய் கண்ணம்மா சாத்திரம் ஏதுக்கடீ
ஆத்திரம் கொண்டவர்க்கே கண்ணம்மா சாத்திரமுண்டோடீ

You speak of rules, Kannamma, but what for?

For rules don't apply to people overcome by passion.

மூத்தவர் சம்மதியில் வதுவை முறைகள் பின்பு செய்வோம்
காத்திருப்பேனோடீ இது பார் கன்னத்து முத்தமொன்று

With our elder's approval, we will observe the marriage rituals later,

How am I to wait till then? Here, a kiss on your cheek. 

மஹாகவி பாரதியார் 

The great poet, Bharati

Guys of this generation need to step up their game. 

Today's rant.

So much on my mind. Thoughts for today:

1. Religion is personal.  I have never had to define my religion or show proof of my faith to anyone, not even myself. I accept my religion with ambiguity, and it's easy to do being Hindu. Our epics cover both sides of any story you could think of. Being Hindu makes it easier for me to see how ridiculous it is to police religion. Don't police religion, just don't.

2. Malaysia is not an entity separate from its people. "Malaysia is racist, Malaysia has messy politics, Malaysia has no career opportunities." You are Malaysia. If you are unhappy with the way Malaysia you are, do something! Or at least don't ridicule people who are trying to.

3. Yes, there is racism in Malaysia. No, racism does not automatically mean the Malays are being racist towards the non-Malays. When you whine that your child got full As but a Malay with lesser As got the scholarship because of quota, you are being racist. Just because the student is Malay does not render him/her less deserving of the scholarship. A lot of factors play a part in scholarships. Deal with it. And yes, Malays deal with racism too. Races are not racist. Individual people are racist.

4. Freedom of speech is not freedom to pass offensive remarks.

5. It's so easy to complain. All the people who criticize the state of things in Malaysia are so oblivious to the fact that it is they who must change. They need to change their 'know-it-all' attitude, they need to start investigating facts instead of perpetuating stereotypes.

6. Stop making everything about Article 153. My kid didn't get a scholarship because Article 153. Non-Malays can't get good jobs in the government because Article 153. I want to emigrate  because Article 153.

7. Teach children to be nice. To be understanding. Raise them free of racial, religious, gender stereotypes. Raise them proud of their culture but not critical of others.

Rant of the month:  Omg, you work with the government? I'm sure there aren't many non-Malays. Do you wear baju kurung to work? Do they air prayers on the PA? What do you eat, you poor thing.

Yes the majority of my colleagues are Malay-Muslim, because last time I checked, the majority of people in this country were Malay-Muslim. Yes, I wear baju kurung sometimes because I have nothing against the outfit plus it's so comfortable. No one makes me wear it, and even if they did, so what? You pergi kerja pakai saree ke? We all conform to uniforms/ dress codes. By the way I could totally wear a saree if I wanted to. They air prayers on special occasions, but being Hindu does not mean being against Islam. Plus they pray for the well being of everyone at the office (me included), ain't nobody mad about that. And I eat food. Yummy, cheap, food.

The joy in teaching

I'm revisiting high school maths to help a friend catch up before classes commence for her masters course - drafting out lesson plans beginning with the BODMAS order of solving equations, to basic algebra, a sprinkling of calculus, leading all the way to compound interest and annuities. Only one lesson down so far, but she's proving to be a fast student. Of all my mini math tutoring stints, this one is definitely the most noble and most joyful, as she is going back to study after more than a decade of being a mum. So, being humble is out of the question, I so damn proud of this!

It is such a wonderful thing to help someone out. To put our knowledge and skills to good use. For surely there is no use in being knowledgeable if you don't use said knowledge to further someone else's understanding.

Take pride in the number of people or causes we have helped with our knowledge, not the possession of knowledge itself. 

மலர்கள் கேட்டேன் வனமே தந்தனை

One surprise after another. After so many last minute decisions and changes, I'm finally posted to The National Institute of Valuation, an educational institution cum research centre.
I get ALL the things that I was trying to choose among:

• A door into the Public Service,
• Corporate professionalism,
• leadership development,
• international involvement,
• a career in education
• some dabbling in the actuarial field.

A little bit of everything thrown in with the thing I want most, an opportunity to advocate change. The following year is set to be the perfect crash course in everything I need to go about that.

Once again, Big Boss knows best. And he'll know what to do with me when the year ends.

நல்லதோர் வீணை செய்தே, அதை நலம் கெட புழுதியில் எறிவதுண்டோ எரியவில்லை!

The Malaysian feminist gets a voice

Here's to a year of change and empowerment as an Alumni Yayasan Tun Razak ExCo member.

The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that do.